Making a #MyKindOfBenedy-making machine.

Like everything else, the art of romance is upside down. Righting it is simply a matter of demonstrating why well-working real-life romances work so well: Because there is a man in charge.Photo by: Andrew CrumpA while ago I wrote about … Continue reading
Jan. 21, 2017, 3:04 p.m.

How I justify my long-standing policy of racial profiling.

If we should judge people by the content of their character, the black middle-class is getting screwed.dbking / Foter / CC BY One of the more repellent tropes of race relations, by me, is the deeply earnest white guy who … Continue reading
Jan. 16, 2017, 1:38 p.m.

From Traindancing: The life cycle of the mall, how the ducks get plucked.

“Oh, the huge Manatees! Oh, the huge Manatees!” I hear that sometimes, in the chuffa-chuffa rhythms of the train. What started as a tiny minority of very fat people – mainly very old, very fat people – has become a … Continue reading
Jan. 14, 2017, 6:42 p.m.

Some days the train robs you: Desperados waiting for the hearse.

“Some days you rob the train, some days the train robs you.”Photo by: Syuzo TsushimaA Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Willie story Tuesday, May 17, 2016 The saddest questions are the ones you already know the answers to, without having to ask. “Awb … Continue reading
Jan. 8, 2017, 2:04 p.m.

Finding visibility, absolution and closure at the choo-choo train at the mall on New Year’s Eve.

Woo-woo!A Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Willie story December 31, 2015 When I got back with the train, the Lonely Guy was still sitting there on the bench across the way, his elbows on his knees, his palms supporting his chin. I had … Continue reading
Dec. 31, 2016, 2:52 p.m.

Want to be a better, more-perfect version of yourself? Master something difficult this year.

You weren’t just cheated of an education when you were young, you were cheated out of the full awareness of your own humanity.Mait Jüriado / / CC BY-NC-SA I always love to read about the outrageously nefarious bad guys … Continue reading
Dec. 30, 2016, 3:40 p.m.

How to slay dragons.

A Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Willie story And now I am a man-killer. We live with the consequences of our choices, and we cannot fail to live with all the consequences of all our choices. Sic semper nobis, sic etiam mihi. Thus … Continue reading
Dec. 29, 2016, 1:52 p.m.

Courtney at the speed of life.

A Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Willie story “Lord-a-mercy!” I said in my thickest southern drawl. “Somebody tell god to take the rest of the week off. He has made perfection, and there ain’t no topping that!” The beautiful blonde woman scowled and … Continue reading
Dec. 27, 2016, 3:25 p.m.

To El Caballero Jean Valjean: Merry Christmas from a fellow loco engineer.

C’est moi – Loco Willie – the second time as pomo farce.A Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Willie story December 22, 2016 “How old were you when your sister was born?” I asked. “Five.” “That’s a tough time to find out you’re not … Continue reading
Dec. 25, 2016, 8:51 p.m.

“Merry Christmas, Princess Peach.”

There is only one Christmas, isn’t there? Even at the airport there is only one Christmas. Luigi smiled, and his face bore not the smallest hint of sadness. “Merry Christmas, Chloe.” He leaned forward and kissed the slumbering golden girlchild … Continue reading
Dec. 24, 2016, 2:12 p.m.

Christmas at the cemetery – with Bubba.

A Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Willie story December 25, 1998 If you want to hear your thoughts echo into a perfect silence – go to the cemetery. I do it a lot, actually, not to be too terribly morbid. Potter’s fields and … Continue reading
Dec. 23, 2016, 10:56 p.m.

A father for Christmas.

“If you give your daughter a father she can be proud of, then one day she’ll bring home a son-in-law you can be proud of. And then you’ll know for sure that your grandchildren will have a father to look … Continue reading
Dec. 23, 2016, 2:10 p.m.

Christmas in Las Vegas with Kim Jong-un.

“You adorn your body with comical uniforms and undeserved medals, and you plaster your name with ridiculous titles, all to make up for your fundamental emptiness. You live your life as the empty puppet of an empty doctrine, and everyone … Continue reading
Dec. 22, 2016, 10:39 p.m.

A dumpster diver’s Christmas.

A Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Willie story I can be counted upon to walk, after all. When everybody’s nowhere and even the laundromats are empty. When the respectable stores are closed and the line at the 24-Hour Slurp ’n’ Burp is 15 … Continue reading
Dec. 22, 2016, 3:12 p.m.

A Costco family Christmas.

Do you know about Costco? It’s a warehouse-sized store that sells huge quantities of stuff at wholesale prices. There are other companies that exploit the same basic idea. Another big one is Sam’s Club, where the motto is, ‘When mere … Continue reading
Dec. 21, 2016, 1:42 p.m.

The Visibility Game: DISC (my way) and the game theory of everything.

Q: What can you tell about a person by the way he walks in a crowd?A: Everything else.Photo by: Aaron TaitTaking the time to really see the people around you will help you navigate your values – and theirs. We’re … Continue reading
Dec. 20, 2016, 1:51 p.m.

Silent cinema in three quick glances: Emily Brownbangs at the conception of guile.

This is not what my train looks like – unless you’re a toddler.Photo by: Tejvan PettingerA Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Willie story Sunday, May 8, 2016 – Mother’s Day I want to tell you another train story, but this is a sad … Continue reading
Dec. 4, 2016, 5:20 p.m.

A canticle for Kathleen Sullivan.

From the Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Willie Christmas story collection, available at Amazon.comA Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Willie story I got to the hospital after visiting hours, but the nurse led me to the room anyway. “There hasn’t been anyone,” she confided. I pursed … Continue reading
Nov. 29, 2016, 4:09 p.m.

Graduated Sociopathy: Why there are no villains.

We give a little to get a lot.Photo by: Barry DavisI can show you where all monstrous behavior comes from – starting with your own. That would be church, Lurch. More on the non-existence of villains here. Much more from … Continue reading
Nov. 28, 2016, 2:36 p.m.

How to fight with your relatives over the Thanksgiving Dinner table.

I’ve thought for years about writing a Thanksgiving story — a feast-become-food-fight of ideas over the dinner table — but I’ve never done it. Too much too close for comfort perhaps. Meanwhile, I will give you something to be thankful … Continue reading
Nov. 23, 2016, 1:15 p.m.